I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I had your ass I would rule the world
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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