So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
