the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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