A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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