I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
