non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
