Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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