Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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