She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
