Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
