dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
