I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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