Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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