why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
