i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Be still, my beating vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
