I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
