I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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