Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
