She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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