Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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