I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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