so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
