you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
