I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
