guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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