Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
