So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
