Do you still have your period?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
