I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
