Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
