I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
