I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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