She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
