I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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