The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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