What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
