Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
