I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
