Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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