i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
