Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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