I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
