I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
