Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
