Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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