Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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