I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
