So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
