Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
