I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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