Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
