Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
