Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
