She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
