If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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