I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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