i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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