I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
