Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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