ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
