Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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