i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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