I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
