walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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