I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
