called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
