You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
