Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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