I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
