can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
