allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
