accomplished twins. life is a go
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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