He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
