I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
