I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
