a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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