dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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